Millennials are Killing Park Sex. Here’s How We Can Bring it Back.
According to a 2019 New York Times article, acts of public indecency have joined the ranks of things Millennials are killing off.
At first glance, the NYPD’s report citing a decrease in incidents and arrests related to “sex in parks” over the past ten years may seem positive. Some people, however, feel differently. The headline was quickly commandeered by spited Boomers, who used it as fuel for their pyres as they grieved the loss of what the nation “used to be.” Sex in public parks seems doomed to take its place alongside other lost American traditions like homeownership, doorbells, and the Toyota Scion (the greatest tragedy of them all, in my opinion).
I have not lost hope, though. In fact, Millennials may be perfectly suited to reinvent and restore this industry they are destroying. Educated, technologically proficient, and relentlessly horny, I see no reason why we couldn’t get those statistics back up to where they were in the good old days.
Don’t believe me? Here is just one college graduate’s example of a flawless marketing plan for reviving the park sex industry.
Why Is Park Sex Declining?
We need to start with a very clear understanding of what the problem is before inventing ways to solve it. The article’s title, which ever so elegantly describes park sex as “less of a thing than it used to be,” would easily lead readers to believe the total amount of park sex has dropped over the past decade. However, the data on which the article reports states only that the rate of citations and arrests has decreased. It’s possible the amount of park sex has remained constant while citations and arrests dropped. This could happen if, for example, police presence in the parks was reduced. Formally excluding this possibility would involve a statistical comparison of data trends, which, while very fun, is a little heavy. For the sake of this marketing plan, we will just assume that citations and arrests are decreasing at roughly the same rate as actual incidences of park sex.
So, why are people having less sex?
I have a few theories. But first, let’s take a step back and look at the current offering in all its glory. This is easily accomplished using a tried and true marketing approach: The SWOT Analysis
Identifying a New Target Market
One big weakness identified in the SWOT analysis is the aging of the current market (the same people having that were sex in the parks ten years ago). The Circle of Life moves us all, so they say, and therefore we need to focus on a younger, more hormonal audience.
Millennials and Generation Z are the best segments to target for a new market, hands down. Together, they account for well over a quarter of the current market, and Gen Z alone boasts excess of $44 billion in buying power, according to Business Insider. Other advantages lie in their buyer behavior and preferences, namely their propensity to purchase experiences over products.
Making Park Sex Great Again: Innovating on the Offering
With a solid understanding of both the offering and the new target market, we can finally begin brainstorming ways to put park sex back on the map of tourists looking for the authentic New York experience.
Before rolling out a marketing campaign, the offering will need some serious innovations. Given what is known about our target market, I propose a two-prong approach:
1.) Reduce Risk to Increase Appeal
All public sex has its risk. For many, that’s the whole point. While we don’t want to completely mitigate the thrill and novelty that encompasses the unique selling position of park sex, I believe a handful of risk reduction strategies will increase the appeal of our offering and, in turn, grow the overall customer base:
Reduce lighting in areas of the park with concealed, wooded spots. Mood lighting is important regardless of where consumers are getting it on, and flood lights aren’t doing anybody any favors. The critical element of this will be striking a balance between privacy and a sense of safety.
Create strategic park maintenance programs for sex-friendly areas. It will be important to ensure consumers will not fall victim to any wilderness-related injuries such as poison oak or unfortunate branch mishaps. Relocating dangerous or promiscuous wildlife will also be important.
2.) Differentiate According to Target Market’s Consumer Preferences
Research on buyer behavior demonstrate three attributes critical for attracting the Millennials and Gen Z market: customization, ease, and the use of modern technology. Fortunately, the 1970s call, and we were more than happy to give them back their Model T, flip phone style park sex. Modern park sex will be catered towards the young hustlers looking for a quickie break in between making money moves. The new offering will utilize a sleek smartphone app that gives consumers total control of their park sex-perience. The platform will include a calendar reservation system for select sex areas in the park. Users will be able to connect their devices to hidden bluetooth speakers to play their own music or listen to pre-curated playlists made by the UX team. There is also potential for an in-app hookup feature for single users looking for a not-so-public place to meet up with other singles. The app will act as a primary source of revenue through advertising deals and premium membership options.
The goal of the first marketing campaign will be to communicate the repositioning of the park sex offering, primarly the ways in which the new digital platform creates a seamless and custom experience. Ideally, we hope to engage in a strategic partnerships with popular condom and/or personal lubricant brands. These items can be available at each location, with the potential to integrate the reemerging popularity of geocaching
Not only do we need to get people doing it- we need to get them talking about doing it. Advertising will be done through local social media influencers and grass roots social media efforts. Research shows that both Millennials and Gen Z responds most favorably to short, relevant messaging presented by relatable, non-celebrity brand ambassadors.
In conclusion, the American Tradition of public indecency does not need to end with us. Millennials are more efficient, more skilled, and more creative than any generation that came before. Together, we can make park sex great again.